Nothing too new with us Donovans lately- which is perfectly ok with me! We've just been working hard, hanging out together at night and on the weekends. I've made it a goal to go through all the drawers, cabinets, closet space, garage.... and clean out and de-clutter. I've thrown away lots of college work, have bags of clothes to donate, and getting rid of lots of junk. I've put the construction dumpsters to good use.
I have found cute pictures of Ivan- one of him at about 8 years old maybe- with balloons in his shirt to look like boobs- it is pretty funny. One that I love is of him in Lucia's room- with the heart that he hung outside her window. I have a letter that he wrote to our nana about how he constructed a 6 foot white circle, with a 5 foot red heart attatched to it. He climbed a tree like 40 feet to hang this outside of her room. It is so precious.
I've found letters and cards that my parents sent over the years- all with quirky comments about where they had lunch or dinner, and how much it cost!
The other day I was in TJ Maxx- I looked up at a woman and it looked JUST like my mom. It looked exactly like her, and I could not stop looking! She had on a bucket hat, glasses like my moms, a sweater that she would have worn, a laynard with her keys on it...... I just started to cry right there, and anyone who would have seen me must have thought I was crazy. I thought about saying hello, but decided not to, b/c I didn't want to have to explain myself. It was all very very odd. It makes me think about what I could say if my mom were right there in front of me- like she had never left. I'd like to think that we'd have a big hug, she'd ask me how my health was, and things would be "normal." I'm so thankful that there weren't unresolved issues with my family, things that I wish I could have taken back. Of course there are many more things I would have liked to have done with them- but no regrets.
Tomorrow Ivan would have turned 22. When I see other young men around that age, I do get sad. I think about the things that he would have done, and the people who he'd be hanging out with. I haven't talked to Lucia in quite some time- she and my other brother Jeremy are a lot closer- but I hope that her heart has begun to heal. She lost something completely different than any of us- and I have no idea what she has gone through.